Would you like to learn how to outsmart a narcissist, how much better would your life be if you knew how to deal with a narcissistic family member, or a narcissistic friend. Watch this video and I’m going to give you 7 simple and easy ways to stop a narcissist. Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum and we all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. On the surface though, narcissists are like regular people, but something changes when assertiveness steps into arrogance, self love turns into self centred and persuasion into manipulation.
Would you like to learn how to outsmart a narcissist, how much better would your life be if you knew how to deal with a narcissistic family member, or a narcissistic friend. Watch this video and I’m going to give you 7 simple and easy ways to stop a narcissist.
If you’re new to my channel, I’m Sue Blackhurst and I bring the world of Social Psychology into everyday language, I post videos every Monday and Thursday, so if you want to understand why people behave the way they do, by subscribing to my channel you’ll get weekly insights into the fascinating world of human behaviour.
Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum and we all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. On the surface though, narcissists are like regular people, but something changes when assertiveness steps into arrogance, self love turns into self centred and persuasion into manipulation.
We all feel good to be recognised on some level, but Narcissists have an excessive need for attention and it’s not that they want to be the centre of attention the need this abundance of admiration and approval from others. A true narcissist has a sense of entitlement, seeing one’s self as exceptional, with an inability to recognise the feelings and needs of other people, and their condescending behaviour and vast fluctuations in mood lead to superficial relationships.
Just as we need oxygen to breathe, the narcissist needs this attention to survive, or maybe i could say it’s not enough to survive they need the attention to thrive … we’ve heard that expression somewhere before, so on the surface they are charming and captivating and have a unique ability to draw people in as the more enthralled and captivated you are, the stronger they feel. It reminds me of Kaa, the snake in jungle book, its a bit like don’t look into their eyes as they will make you feel powerless as they draw you in with their enchanting aura, but like any form of spell or superpower, wait long enough and it will wear off, leaving you both emotionally and physically drained from the reality of the relationship you have with them.
It’s not easy to handle their manipulative ways, but you need to stop giving the narcissist what they need, and the best way to take away a narcissist’s power is to starve them of the incredible amounts of attention they crave.
Here are 7 ways to starve a narcissist.
1 Don’t react to their compliments.
A narcissist wants you to be around them, they hate that feeling of not being noticed, so they are going to work extra hard to win your attention with lashings of compliments and verbal strokes of praise. But they are really clever, because all of this is to get you in that feel good state, because, if you feel good when you’re with them, why wouldn’t you choose to be by their side, but like every double act, one is the leader and the other the stooge, and before you know it, you are catering to their every need and emotion.
It really is incredibly easy to be drawn in, but their compliments are empty and only provide a short lived boost to the ego.
So if you are faced with their praise and over zealous compliments, give them a very polite and courteous thank you, as if you have loads of other things to do that are way more important than their approval. I’ve mentioned the penguins of Madagascar before, because I love their attitude and the message their catch line offers. Don’t be drawn in to their false friendship, as there is no need to respond, just smile and wave boys smile and wave.
2 Starve them of your secrets, deep thoughts, opinions, and personal history.
When we share details about our lives, we are doing 2 things, we are creating or strengthening an intimate bond, and we also building trust with this person as we believe that our innermost thoughts, feelings and actions will go no further.
But a narcissist acts from selfishness, and not genuine interest, so the will listen and nod in all the right places, but they aren’t listening to help and support, they are stockpiling ammunition to use against you when they either need to pull you back into their web, or cut you off altogether.
A narcissist feels a sense of power by retelling your secrets, so don’t share anything about your life with a narcissist. Whatever conversation you are having, imagine you are sat in a room full of all the people you know in you life, and if you wouldn’t want any of them listening in to what you are saying, then don’t say it at all.
3 Starve them of putting their needs over your own.
Narcissists love a stage, as it enables them to perform and create a reaction from the audience, and what clever actors they are, because they have the ability to alter their performance depending upon the reaction they are after. Narcissists know exactly how to trigger people, they know which buttons press and what to say and do, to get you to react the way that they want.
When they see the effect they are having upon you, such as anger or sadness, your defences are lowered and it’s easier for them to step in and take control, they don’t feel empathy or sorrow, they feel power, so in order to starve them from the control they crave, don’t get emotional. When they are frustrating and upsetting you, allow your mind to slowly wander as you imagine them in a glass sound proof box. You can see them, but you can’t hear them, look at them speaking, find an item of clothing and inspect it, think of the colour or texture, so as they are talking, your mind isn’t allowing their manipulating words to register. You can smile and nod in all the right places, but you are placing your needs above theirs as you don’t allow yourself to be drawn in as you have absolutely no interest in what they are saying.
4 Starve them of your self-control.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch, and with a narcissist, there is no such thing as a favour with no strings attached, as the narcissist will always try to collect on the favour that you never asked for or wanted.
The narcissist will make big promises that they never intend to keep. It’s when you are looking for a job and they claim that they ‘know someone’ and will put in a good word, or they know of an opening and ‘it’s in the bag if you want it. None of these things you have asked for, or want, or probably need, which is actually irrelevant as the narcissist has no intention of doing anything about it in the first place. But what they will do, down the line, is they will remind you of how much they have done for you and what you now ‘owe them’ in return.
Starve the narcissist of all strings attached by not allowing them to take away your self control. If you accept no favours then you owe nothing in return.
5 Starve them of your empathy.
Narcissists are like those old door to door salesmen when all they needed was to get one foot in the door, and they could sell anything to anyone.
In order to sell anything you need to build up a relationship and find out the customer needs, so the narcissist will work overtime to prove how much they know you and are there for you, buttering you up with loving text messages, or little thoughtful gifts and gestures, and then when you least expect it, then go in with a closing statement almost asking you to sign your life away, and you have no idea how you’ve been drawn in yet again.
To starve a narcissist of your empathy, don’t fall for actions that require you to commit to or buy in to their own needs. If they have a great idea, or come to you with the “you are the only one I can turn to or ask” be polite and still be kind, but just like the door to door salesman, you do have the right to say thank you very much but you are not interested in what they have on offer today.
6 Starve them of your engagement.
Lets be totally honest here, you would need to be an absolute saint to have never uttered a bad word about anyone else, right or wrong, reality TV and social media are platforms encouraging us to air our views and opinions on what other people are doing, saying or even wearing, we even get the chance to vote for people we like the least and have them evicted, all in the name of entertainment.
Whether it’s at the school gates or over lunch, there will usually be at least one conversation related to what someone else has done or said. But here’s the thing … if 2 people are sharing thoughts about someone else, again, I’m not taking about right or wrong, I’m talking about the simple fact that it happens, it’s a private, 2 way conversation between 2 people, and unless one of them has absolutely no view or opinion and says clearly, I’m not getting involved, both people will usually voice some negativity.
But when one of them then goes off and tells the targeted person what has been said by the other person, which is often embellished and taken out of context they have only one motive in mind, and that is to cause pain and hurt, and then be seen as the trusted saviour. I discussed in my last video how we don’t all like everyone, so having an opinion about someone else is simply human nature,
but the person who gains enjoyment for relating what someone else has said, when they were co conspirator, unless it’s essential that they know, is the dangerous and narcissist person to watch.
So to starve them of your engagement, don’t gossip with them about anybody or anything, as whether malicious or not, the narcissist is the wolf in the sheets clothing.
If a friend tells you something that causes them pain, for your gain, trust them, but if they tell you something that causes you pain, for no gain, question their friendship.
7 Starve them of your interest.
You weren’t put on this earth to be an energy source or emotional support for a narcissist. If you keep giving them your attention and engaging with them, their toxic presence may stay in your life for a long time. If you stay emotionally neutral, uninterested, and unengaged, the narcissist will turn to someone else to get their needs met. It’s not your fault, narcissists are the way they are, and it’s not your responsibility to fix them. When dealing with a narcissist, your only responsibility is not to let them destroy you as a means to get the attention they desperately need.